Why is my life such a mess?

Filled with all sorts of thoughts and stress.

I need to filter siphon and make sense

But instead it gets worse I get tense

Irritation impulsion emotional dread

So much goes on in my little head.

They give it a label call it BPD

What does it mean where does it leave me?

One day I wake up as happy as Larry

The next my head is sore and hard to carry

My shoulders can’t bear the weight

The feelings close in I feel I am going to suffocate

An internal scream needs to be heard

The angel the devil my thoughts are always third

They say you just need to learn control

But it’s much harder than they think or know

In your mind you know what’s right

But you can’t see past the fight to the light

I can’t filter siphon or decipher

To me I feel like a borderline lifer

I know deepdown that it’s not true

But where do I start what do I do?

My head says yes then it says no

If I am lucky sometimes all my thoughts go

I don’t mean to hurt or upset

When I do it leaves me in constant debt

Debt to guilt and bad feelings I shout I scream

I leave people reeling I am not a bad person

And everyday I fear it will worsen

All I can do is try and try

And hopefully that will make me the better stronger guy.

Charlotte Sheppard

What is this thing we call life?

Constantly issuing us with trouble and strife.

Is there such thing as heaven or hell?

On this thought many do dwell.

A whole universe still left to explore

Thinkers like me we want to know more.

Are there spirits all around us here on earth?

Or when people go is that it? What is life worth?

Can the dead see or hear us?

Is our existence enough?

People need to be more open minded

But instead their thoughts are just coiled and winded

People believe in just one thing

I am waiting to see what life will bring

How were we created? There is no proof

There are lots of theories, they could be spoof.

Some believe in God and the bible

Some in charms and ways of life, think tribal.

All different people believe in different gods & theories

Me? I just have many queries.

I want to find out and know

When I die where will I go?

Because I don’t believe in just one theory,  I will give most a chance

By this where will I go? Where will I advance?

If only we could know, that when people go, when they exit this existence

If only we could know that they would have happiness and bliss

It would put our minds at rest

To know it was for the best

But until we know this we will always grieve

Maybe that’s why people believe; to help them with grief.

Until we know more and open that door,

We will never know what our existence is for.

Charlotte Sheppard