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Humour Quotes

"Operator! Give me the number for 911!"
Homer Simpson

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
Charles Lamb

"Whoever said 'nothings impossible' never tried to nail jell-o to a tree"
Lisa Bryant

"Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours."
M. Berle

At least I knew who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then.
Lewis Carroll

*On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"

*I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Whitney Brown

Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin

"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more."
Walter Matthau.

"To make a long story short, there's nothing like having a boss walk in."
Doris Lilly

"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist."
Franklin Jones

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
Spike Milligan

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
Mario Andretti

"They say love is around every corner. I must be walking in circles."
Author Unknown