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Short Jokes

Two peanuts walk into a bar - one was a salted

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "I'm sorry, we don't serve food in here."

A group of fonts walk into a bar. The barman shouts, "GET OUT! We don't serve your type in here."

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive..."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

The famous philosopher Rene Descartes walked into a bar. "Can I get you a drink?", the barman asked. "I think not," Descartes replied... and instantly disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony was rubbish, but the reception was brilliant.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

A man went into the butchers and bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. The butcher said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Did you hear about the woman who drowned in a bowl of muesli? She was pulled in by a strong currant.

Did you hear about the ice-cream man who was found lying in his van covered in hundreds and thousands? Police say he topped himself.